Bow Down to Old Navy Jeans

You are not going to believe me when I tell you this. I barely believe it myself. I have found the most amazing jeans I’ve ever shoved my ass into and you’re never going to guess where I got them from! Old Navy…OLD FUCKING NAVY BITCH!!! Old Navy. That is correct. Do not adjust your screens, you saw that right. Now if you are like me, you last stepped foot in an Old Navy store around the time Performance Fleece was on its way out the door and after those were gone, you had no reason to go back in. Their jeans always widened and flattened out my ass, two things I was just simply not interested in for my denim choices. Other than the terrible “mom” jeans, all this company seemed to peddle we’re other ill fitting articles of clothing that offered no flattery or self esteem. So I never went back. Someone recently told me to check out their revamped denim line and I just sort of dismissed it as silly rumors probably created by the company to lure innocent people in like myself to try on jeans that would promise the world and end up delivering nothing more than a flat, wide ass all over again. But then I made a fatal error to start following Khloe Kardashian on Instagram. Not fatal as in the death of my body, rather fatal as in the death of my self esteem. That bitch looks GOOD. She’s selling her own line of denim called Good American. Her jeans cost too much good American currency for me to afford, but they are super cute. And she’s all tall and wearing bodysuits and her jeans hit just the right spot on her ankle to wear heels with. And so my short ass got pissed, like why can’t MY jeans just ever hit at the ankle without doing a dorky fold under? Why are my jeans either promoting way too much crack or way too much width due to poorly placed pockets!?!? So I went to Old Navy because the person who told me about their jeans had mentioned they had differing lengths and I wanted to look like Khloe God damnit!!! I walked into the store and tousled a flowy blouse and then a pair of flat front khaki shorts that boasted a 9 inch inseam and snorted. My 58 year old mom was devouring some “really cute tops” and I almost walked right back out, out of this place where style doesn’t exist, but then….then the denim wall caught my eye. They had varying cuts, lengths, colors and materials and they looked cute. Still skeptical, I threw a few pairs over my arm and headed into the fitting room with a bad attitude.  And that’s when the miracle happened. I pulled that first pair of ankle length, unfinished hem, mid rise jegging style pair over my ass and zipped them up. I couldn’t believe my eyes! The pockets were perfectly proportioned to give my ass the right shape, they fell just under the belly button and they actually hit at my fucking ankle!!! Well, I thought, okay, this was probably a fluke, I’ll buy these for sure, but the other two pairs probably will look lame. But they didn’t. I bought those two, plus I ordered two pairs online. So my story ends here with happiness. And I want to pass this happiness along so I beg of you, if you have a hard time finding good jeans go check out Old Navy jeans, they are cheap, you’ll probably love your body in them no matter what your body type is because they’re aren’t just trying to sell to one body out there and you will feel great!  Oh yeah, and I am not being paid to advertise for Old Navy I am just excited I finally found something I truly like on my hard to fit body!!! IMG_1391

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