The Art of Making Fancy Breakfast without Dairy or Wheat

When the doctor told me I tested positive for a dairy allergy as well as a gluten one, I was in major denial.  This couldn’t happen to me.  I was the girl who literally had a special name for cake and ice cream eating time.  (I mean it wasn’t that innovative a name, but Cake O’Clock really caught on with me and my coworkers for a period of time so…)  I didn’t go a DAY without a slice of cake or a McFlurry or a fucking Reese cup.  So when this bitch Barb at my doctors office tells me that I need to start avoiding these foods rather than just take out my gallbladder, which was causing me another set of problems, I can’t describe the hate I had for her and the world.  Like, what was I going to do with my life now?  Why have I been following all these dessert sites on Instagram?  What about my dreams to travel all over the country sampling our great nation’s dessert offerings?  Fuck site seeing, you mean to tell me I wasn’t going to be able to eat a fucking Milky Bun at Coachella while wearing a flower crown, denim cutoffs and cowboy boots? You mean I wasn’t going to eat a slice of New York Pizza while pretending to be Carrie Bradshaw on the streets of Manhattan?  And what will I DO IN EUROPE if I can’t eat cannollis or German beer?  Life is about enjoyment and fufillment and I’m sorry but food is one of the simplest yet most important forms of those things to all of us.  Some people, like my husband, who can eat whatever the hell they want, try to say things to make me feel better but it doesn’t work.  Unless you yourself have an allergy, you cannot understand how bad it sucks to scrutinize food labels, ask waitresses questions about menu items and in the end just end up ordering another fucking salad because there isn’t anything else on the menu you can eat.  What makes my situation particularly difficult is that while many restaurants have jumped on the gluten free wagon, these menu items will often still contain dairy.  This doesn’t make sense to me since, from my research, many people become intolerant to both these things…yet I can only find gluten free pancakes that contain dairy milk.  So gone are my days of going to IHOP and ordering three kinds of fancy pancakes and french toasts to share among the table.  And it sucks.  But since I’m a problem solver, I decided to experiment at home with alternative foods I can eat.  Gluten Free and Dairy Free doesn’t have to taste like shit people!!!  Sure my waffles never seem to crisp up but this french toast I made today seriously tasted authentic.  Tommy was really impressed.  This is a list of what I used in case you are interested:

Kinnikinnick Gluten Free White Bread


Simple Truth Organic Almond Milk Unsweetened

Cinnamon and Vanilla Extract

So Delicous CocoWhip Topping


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