My New Married Identity

Praise the lord, I got married about a month ago.  At 31, you start to worry about these things, actually around 27 you start the worrying I think.  If you’re not in a serious relationship and you start seeing others your age getting married and having babies, you start feeling left out.  And if you’re like me, just starting to date someone at that time, you start worrying about wasting your time with anyone, because TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!!  You’re probably not like me though, because I tend to be extra crazy and can’t seem to keep that buried for too long, and when you’re six months into your relationship, you start forcefully telling your boyfriend that you are not here to fool around buddy.  You are 27 and you want to get married and if he wants an Albanian woman, well, let me know now because I only have so many eggs, okay?  And then Tommy looked alarmed and was like, calm down, its only been six months, but no he’s not going anywhere and yes he does want marriage.  So we dated for a few years, moved in together, and I only did this because I started to feel safe that this guy was forever.  Not just in my mind, but in his mind too.  So after about a year of cohabitation we made the decision to get married and then I was like, phew, I can relax.  My life is going to be okay.  I will not end up alone, living with several dogs of varying breeds, in a predominately gay community, leading uptight people to assume I was living an “alternative” lifestyle when really in fact I was just a loser who could nail down a man.  Talk about relief, am I right?  So, the wedding planning took over my life and became the primary focus as it tends to do for everyone.  I loved using the word fiancé and worked myself up into a bridal frenzy.  I gave fleeting thoughts only to the concept of my new identity as Tommy’s wife.  What I mean by this, is the whole name change thing.  I am no feminist, I do not have an important career for which to keep my name and I really wanted to be Tommy’s wife.  I wanted to become a family, a legally bound, official team, I still do.  But after the wedding came the subject of changing my name.  People asking when are you going to change your name on Facebook, cuz if didn’t get posted, did it really happen?  But I didn’t want to lose my former identity.  I had been someone for 31 years and I didn’t want that to change.  Then I thought, but if I hyphenate, am I one of those irritating broads who emasculate their husband’s any chance given?  And I don’t want my kids to hyphenate, but then doesn’t that defeat the purpose of marriage, that I’m still different that the rest of the family?  Does my insistance on keeping my name separate me from the rest of them?  So I asked Tommy what he thought, figuring if he had an issue with hyphenation, I’d just go ahead and take his name only.  He didn’t care, he said whatever makes me happy.  So I went to the Secretary of State and went ahead with hyphenation, looking all 2017-ey and shit. And the point of this whole story is that you should do what makes you happy, don’t worry about how something looks to others, just do you.  I can hyphenate my name, still feel like me while being part of a team, our names don’t change that.

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